there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
