your parents love me but you hate me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
