I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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