Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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