i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
