its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
