Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
