non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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