Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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