Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
