its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
