dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
