he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize