I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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