I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I did not marry a roomba.
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