i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
