She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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