I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize