That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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