we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
