wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
