Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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