how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
