Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have aggressive nipples.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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