I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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