Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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