There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
