Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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