in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
