it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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