you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
