Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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