There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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