She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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