I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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