I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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