why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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