Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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