I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
