i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
