I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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