they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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