She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
