I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
