Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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