i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk is not a location!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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