Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
