So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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