im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
