the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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