I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
