I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
