At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
