they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
