This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
