Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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