I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
