even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
