I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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