i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
