Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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