you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
