So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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