Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
